Yes.

I've seen a guy perform in his underwear. I once saw a headliner have a complete and total meltdown because he made the wrong turn out of the club and couldn't find the Denny's a block away. I know a middle act that was drinking so much beer and smoking so much pot the week I worked with him, I couldn't believe he was still standing. 7 months later when I saw him again his brain was so fried he could barely speak. I've seen road comics one year and then I see them the next year and they look two decades older. I know a guy who is letting his teeth rot to nothing and never comes out of his house. And speaking of his house, I know a 45 year old booker who lives in the basement of his mom's house and you can't call after 7:00 pm because he's sleeping-and if you wake him up he yells at you. This other booker picked to perform on an agreed upon date who then confirmed me at the wrong club on the wrong date and when I told him that I was already booked on that date he responded by telling me I ruined everything in his life and he'll never get me work again. I'm still mourning over that.

And then there's the club owners but space prohibits going into trying to diagnosis those people. I guess even Pauly Shore's mom will have to get a pass.

I'm afraid "normalcy" is not an operative word in comedy.

Anyway, is it that comedy attracts the nut cases, or is it that the nutcases are attracted to comedy? We used to have this discussion in law school-does law attract the ego driven aholes, or are the ego driven aholes attracted to the law.

It's most likely a symbiotic relationship. Creative arts, be they law or comedy, are going to attract those of us who are a little bit out there--no, make that way the hell out there. We all feed on the chaos. We couldn't survive without that chaos in our lives. We couldn't survive without an outlet for our idiosyncrisies and our eccentricities. We love abuse, we need a hole filled, we need approval of 100s of people, we refuse to acknowledge that we are basically good hard working people. Alanis Morrisette sings about it in a song called "Perfect." She should know, too, she was banging that guy with the French name-Coullier or whatever. If we do recognize that we are worth something, we're hosed--we're done, finished, kaput, ruined. We have no comedy left in us. That's the scary part-if you heal yourself psychologically you lose your act, your drive, your mania, your desire.

I just have to figure out how to survive in not one but two professions which comprise two of the most toxic work environments on earth. This is where my book is going to come from-I'm in it for the study of people, the study of humanity, on the edge of a breakdown. I'm not in it for comedy-when is the last time you saw a middle aged white guy open anywhere?

Maybe that hooker can give me some advice. Where the hell is Kandi's number, I know I saved it on my cell.....

And one of the lawyers for one of the families made this statement at the hearing regarding the custody of the children:

“Many, many families out there are being tarred with the alleged problems of a few families,” he said. “Every family has to be considered individually. This is not fair to families who don’t have issues.”

Families that don't have issues? HELLO?? DOUCHEBAG??? Your clients live in a commune where it's perfectly alright for a 50 year old guy to have a half dozen 16 year old brides, impregnate them, and have all these little babies running around there?

Have you seen the way these people dress? Like there on a freakin' wagon train heading out west. They are burying themselves from the harsh reality of LIFE. Life is hard you know. But what gives these nutbag parents the right to do this to their children? To keep their children in some closed society away from the rest of the world? How f'ed up are these kids going to be.

Religious sect my ass-it's an excuse for 50 year old pedophiles to have at it with 16 year old virgins all in the name of God.

Give me a fucking break counselor. "Families that don't have issues."

If you decide it's better to lock yourself and your kids away from the rest of the world while illegal sex with minors is going on under your very nose, you, sir, have a family with issues.

And it took a 16 year old girl's telephone call to bring this all to light. She's more of a man than anyone else in that place. She's got more guts and common sense.

Please-they don't all have issues? You, Counselor, are an asshole and an embarrassment to the legal profession.

Producer Bob Sumner is auditioning comedians for the next season of "Def Comedy Jam." The following is a list of the cities, clubs and showcase dates. For more information you'll need to contact the club in your area - cuz this is all I have.

Keep Laughing!

Dave Schwensen

www.TheComedyBook.com

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April 15 - Richmond VA - Funny Bone

April 16 - Virginia Beach, VA - Funny Bone

April 18-19 - Chicago, IL - Joke and ! Notes

April 23 - Sacramento, CA - The Punch

April 25-26 - Washington, D.C - Laff Out Loud

April 29 - Kansas City, MO - The Improv

April 30 - Pittsburgh, PA - The Improv

May 2 - Cleveland, OH - The Matrix Comedy Club

May 7 - Harford, CT - The Improv

May 8-10 - Boston, MA - TBA

May 12 - West Palm Beach, FL - The Improv

May 13 - Orlando, FL - TBA

May 14 - Tampa, FL - The Improv

May 16-17 - Detroit, MI - TBA

May 20-21 - New York, NY - Caroline’s on Broadway

May 24-25 - Phoenix, AZ - TBA

May 28 - Philadelphia, PA - Laff House

May 31 -Durham, NC - TBA

June 4 - Philadelphia, PA - Laff House

June 10-11 - Los Angeles, CA - The Comedy Store

June 17 - New York, NY - Carolines on Broadway